ED - The Demon "Giver"

by Ann Contrucci, M.D.

Kind of strange to say that ED, “eating disorder”, can give anyone anything…Well I will share what anorexia, what ED, has “given” my daughter for the past 5 years. ED has given her orthostatic hypotension and tachycardia that may never go away due to her heart muscle wasting from malnutrition. ED has given her osteopenia, a loss of calcium in all the bones of her body, and sets her up for early osteoporosis.  ED has given her cognitive problems and a near psychotic state when she is at the height of her malnutrition. ED has given her kidney stones and electrolyte disturbances. It has given her gastrointestinal issues with slowed digestion and malabsorption of vital nutrients. ED has given her a delay in her puberty and reproductive maturity, potentially giving her the inability to have children. It has given her a loss of friends and a loss of any “normal” teenage experiences.  ED has given her a locked unit to sleep in instead of sleepovers at friends’ houses. ED has given her a rigid daily schedule instead of burgeoning independence. It has given her group therapy instead of group dates. It has given her a lying manipulative voice telling her she is worthless, stupid, ugly, fat.. ED has given her a vacant stare where once gorgeous deep brown eyes were. It has given her thoughts of suicide. And most of all, ED has given my daughter a life that no one in their worst nightmare would ever or could ever dream for their child.

What has ED “given” me, her mother? ED has given me a state of 24/7 grief for my child and the HELL she experiences every single day of her life. ED has given me a self- doubt that I could have done something different to prevent this or could have recognized it earlier. For God’s sake, I am a pediatrician! I fix and heal children! And never have I seen a disease this horrific. ED has given me a black hole of hopelessness and helplessness at times that I feel I will never escape. ED has given me a sense of fear and terror that nearly has paralyzed me. ED has given me sleepless nights wondering if I will get a call from the treatment facility saying she hasn’t awakened from sleep. ED has given me more tears and sadness than I thought was possible. ED has given me an anger I have never known, swallowing my whole being up at times as I think of where my precious daughter has gone.

What has ED “given” her twin brother? ED has given him a sense of loss that no 17 year old should have to experience. It has given him a loneliness of being ripped away from the one human being he has been with since the moment of conception. It has given him a sense of anger and confusion that he simply cannot put into words. It has given him a sense of guilt he cannot do anything to help her.

Look at all the “giving “ED has done.

Through this hell we have been traveling in, I have realized there is something left…and that is hope and resolve…and one more day…
          
I will continue this fight with every ounce of energy, effort, and strength that I have. I will NOT let ED win.
          
I WILL get my daughter back…she is a fighter and the bravest soul I know fighting this undisputed demon.
          
Do you hear me, ED?
 
I WILL MARCH BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT TAKE HER. YOU WILL NOT WIN. SHE WILL RETURN…

FUED!

#MarchAgainstED with me October 27, 2015. Register NOW! www.MarchAgainstED.com

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